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I remember a time when I hated my natural hair and said I would always get a perm (relaxer). Rocking your natural hair wasn't viewed as beautiful especially growing up as a teen in the early 2000s. I would get a wash and set every 2 weeks and get a perm every six weeks like clockwork. It was similar when I went to college but instead I began wearing weaves, extensions etc. I always thought wearing my hair this way made me more attractive to the boys and I would be seen as beautiful.
Then in my senior year of college the film Good Hair came out. This film touched on the dangers of chemical processing and how you should embrace your natural hair. It changed the way I thought and felt about my hair so I did the "big chop" and embraced my kinky curly natural hair. I felt liberated. I felt free.
Then I went through a phase where I thought wearing straight hair was going against my "black consciousness". I was Pro Pro Pro-Black (and still am) lol. I thought that the black community would judge me or see me as less conscious if I didn't wear my hair i its natural state. So the only time I wore my hair straight was when I went to see my stylist for a trim. Other than that it was all about the curls and the afro puffs. Although loving and embracing my natural hair was beautiful, a part of me was still seeking external acceptance. That's the problem!